Avoid Room 20
Right now I’m at a motel in Wyoming, a few miles from the South Dakota border. A couple hours ago I was sitting on the bed reading when movement on the floor caught my eye. I looked up and saw what I first took to be a mouse walking in front of the desk. Once my eyes focused on it, I realized it was not a mouse at all. It was a huge, fuzzy, brown spider! My first instinct should have been to pounce on it, but instead I was so amazed by its size that I wanted to take a picture of it. As I reached for my camera, it scurried behind the television stand. I moved furniture around, but could not find it.
Shit.
I passed some time researching “giant spider wyoming” on Google. It seemed that I most likely am rooming with a Hobo Spider tonight. Great. Is it poisonous? Let’s see… oh yay! Its bite induces necrotic arachnidism. There is even a picture of its bite here. Lovely.
Two hours later, I’d resigned myself to sharing a room with the thing, and was trying to knit my way to sleep when I spied it perched on the wall. Again, my photographic instinct won out, but I kept my eye on it this time, and managed to snap a picture:
Do you see how large it is? Do you realize that its eye is so big it reflects the camera’s flash like a cat’s might? Sooooo wrong… spiders are scary enough. They should not be allowed to grow to such a size.
In any event, now that I’d snapped its picture, I had to kill the beast. But how? I thought about stepping on it, but a glance at my foot, still clad in shoes from the earlier hunt,
and a glance back at the spider gave me pause. It was tucked neatly into that corner. I had visions of being unable to crush it, and instead allowing it to creep up my leg. No thanks.
I looked back to the bed. My knitting needle could do the trick!
Somehow even that did not seem large enough to do the job. I felt like I’d have to grip it high up to stay out of harm’s way, and in doing so lose the leverage I’d need to pierce that bastard.
Then I thought of the perfect weapon.
I keep this stick in my trunk, and use it to stoke fires when I camp. I dashed out to my car and grabbed it.
At last, it was time to get it on.
I stabbed the spider. It parried the blow and leapt to the floor. It was trying to run behind the desk, but I whacked it. Unfazed it turned and headed straight at me! Ack! I knew I only had one more chance before I’d have to flee screaming like a little girl. I raised my staff like Moses (or at the very least Charlton Heston) when he was about to part the Red Sea, brought it down, and smote that hell-spawned arachnid with all my might.
I cleaved it clean in half. And there it lies still, for I am too afraid to go near it. I trust that it’s dead, but am unconvinced that it doesn’t have one last ounce of reserved strength in its jaws just waiting for me to come in for a closer examination.
I am undoubtedly going to have horrific nightmares tonight.
dude.. that’s just.. scary. haha. i would have freaked out and switched rooms! props to you for killing it
that is freakish and horrifying. it looks jurassic. certainly no charlotte…
a toast to your bravado. i would not have been so fortunate. the spider would have smote me first. . . due to a lack of witty schemes in my common petrified state. a well written funny entry. i look forward to more.
This is a yucky post. That would have scared the crap out of me. You need to get a better hotel next time.
that is a huge ass spider. hahaha nice after picture. =X
poor spidey.
this reminded me of harry potter.
Oh my GOD, I would have shit my pants. Seriously. And then slept in my car. Kudos to you for being the brave one!!!!!
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
best. story. ever.
that thing is huge! so grooosss. are you sure that isn’t a tarantula?
ps: you got a boy spider. those fangs are not fangs at all, but male reproductive organs! tastey!
Okay I would be screaming like a little girl at the sight of the stupid spider! Wouldn’t be trying to smoosh it, stab it, or other wise harm it. I would be keeping WELL out of it’s friggin way.
Cool shoes by the way — got a pair myself….
yeah! mister sprout!!! i haven’t read my xanga in months and when i do, there’s a comment from you!!! thanx.
Oh Pea, that picture of the spider is alll kinds of wrong, ewwwwww….(speechless)
Okay, hope you don’t run into anymore spiders! Oh, like your PJs btw, but please no more spider pics….=(
oh this is so gross. i would just get out and find myself a 5-star hotel. lol.
That is so freaking scary!! (to put it mildly) You were brave just to get close enough to it to jab it with a stick! I just investing in RAID and fumigating any rooms you stay in from now on (not sure RAID would have much effect on a beast like that though!) I am going to have nightmares from that picture.
oh my god that’s disgusting
OMG I hate spiders and that this is just plain TERRIFYING!!!!